"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French ...

... I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language". - Mark Twain

My French is coming along OK, still, I have to say I am a little dissapointed with my progress. How many people have you met who, for instance, can speak passable German and they wave off their abilities to "having spent a year in Hamburg"? I have been here 7.5 months now and I really am not on my way to fluency. I get around alright and can give directions and talk to the grocer, but once the speed gets ramped up, or the speakers move out of my narrowly defined zone of comfortable vocab my little brain gives up. My biggest impediment is that I am really not immersed. Most of my day is spent at the institute, and although the secretaries prefer francais, I converse with most of my collegues in english.

I have been taking a 2x a week class, which has been a dissapointment. There just seems like no meaningful structure to it. The chapters in our book are organized around things like "The Beach". We spent a whole week learning words about the beach and saying various complicated phrases that are also ostensibley about the beach. Here, the other problem is actually the immersion aspect. The teachers don't speak english with us and even if they did speak it well, they would insist on answering question in french. This is supposed to get us to jump started thinking in french, but it is really counter productive when one is confused about some simple thing and they explain it in rapid fire french ostensibley using much of the very same grammar that you are confused about! It is not their fault though. It is just that the method is poor. The human brain's language center is not organized around "Words and Grammar for the Beach", "Words and Grammar for the Airport" etc. etc.

So I have been looking for a better way. Nicola had mentioned a series of CDs by a guy named Michel Thomas. Although much of it was likely not true, this language teacher to the stars claimed to have had a remarkable life. He was born in Poland, fought with the French resisitance in WWII, was tortured by Klaus Barbie of the SS, etc. etc. and then moved to Beverly Hills and opened up a language institute. He reportedly spoke 10 languages. Nicola raves about his Italian and German CDs, in which he claims to have a special method to "teach you the fundmentals of a language in a few hours." I have been skeptical.

A few weeks back, I was bemoaning my rate of French progress on a ride to a British cycling acquantance and he mentioned Thomas as well. In general I am skeptical of tapes, as I'd been down this route before with Italian tapes. (At one point in my life I was driving every few weeks between LA and the Bay Area. I thought to pass the time by listening to language tapes. Seeing as everyone in the world basically speaks English, I figured I could choose whatever language I wanted. So I picked some random Italian tapes. 180 minutes. 'Good', I thought, 'I will be able to listen to it twice through on the 6 hour trip.' Ten x 6 hour trips later I had made it only through the first 10 minutes of that tortured vile thing. It was horrible and I remember nothing.).

But my cycling friend was singing it's praises. David said, "Very few thing in life, live up to their hype, but this does." Hmmm.... OK still a bit skeptical I bit anyway and ordered the CDs from Amazon.uk and they got here today.

And they are good.

I listed to the first hour. Most language tapes insist of teaching you lists of verb conguagtion or have you parrot long complicated expressions, the components of which are never explained. Unless one divines it oneself, one never understands the structure or comes up with simple rules for translation. Here, Thomas's goal is to give you some intuition as to WHY the sentences are contructed in some way. The goal is simply to get you speaking phrases quickly, so he picks phrases which can be easily translated in structure and form into english. Thomas gives you the logic of WHY the phrases are constructed a certain way. And one of the things he does at least initially, is to use french words that have close english equivalents to get one comfortable with french sentence structure using those, instead of teaching you a lot of new vocab at the same time. I am not sure I agree with him when he reassures us by saying "English is nothing more than French pronounced poorly", but I understand his point. Except for 3 counter examples, every single '-tion' word in english means the same thing in french. All '-al' words in english can have their ending replace by -ique' in french. Etc. etc. This is certainly better than being presented with a list of words and having to figure out such a rule yourself. And the pace is relaxed and hassle free. I am hooked.

Off to Milan(o) this weekend. Report on my return.

Schengen-Non and Black Ukranians

(Geneva, Switz.) - An interesting thing is happening here in Switzerland now that gives a little insight into a political environment that is sometimes even more overblown and melodramatic then the one the USA is subjecting itself to nowadays.

The Schengen Convention was an agreement signed first signed by 5 N. European countries (Belgium, France, Germany, Luxembourg, and The Netherlands) in 1985 with the goal to end border checkpoints and controls within their collective Schengen area and harmonize external border controls. Among other things, it meant that visas valid for one Schengen country are valid in all Schengen countries. Since 1985, most of Western Europe has signed the treaty, with much of the former communist bloch eager to sign up asap.

Although a signatory, Switzerland has not yet fully ratified the Schengen treaty. The treaty was ratified in Parliament, but an ultra right wing Swiss nationalist party the so-called 'Swiss People’s Party' prempted it going active by gathering enough signatures to force a referendum on the issue. This measure, which will happen on June 5th, is still likely to be passed in the referendum, but this group figured that it was their only chance to subvert the wishes of the parliamentary in Bern.

The government desperately wants Schengen to pass. The Schengen agreements permit free movement between Schengen member states by doing away with systematic checks on individuals at internal borders. They feel that free borders will be good for business, give access to common Schengen criminal databases, and be a boon to tourism. It warns that "in the event of a 'go-it-alone’ policy, Switzerland risks becoming a weak point in European security". There is also the good-will issue. It is constantly quipped that despite being surrounded on all sides, Switzerland is "not in Europe". They are famously neutral (whatever that means), but also not part of the EU, have secret banks, don't use the Euro, and even ....geez ... only joined the UN circa 1992. I think the main stream government thinks that denying Schengen will be seen as a symbolic act which will continue to isolate Switzerland in the heart of Europe.

Arguing against Schengen, are various ultra-right wing groups that wish to cultivate that isolation. The Swiss tradition of strong local control and a weak federalist system hints at a real under-current of xen0phobia that seeks to preserve Switzerland as island. It is part of the same Teutonic cultural current that one still finds in parts of Bavaria and Austria. Perhaps such feelings naturally come from an acquired cultural sense of living in isolated mountain villages where movement of people and influx of 'auslanders' were rare. I dunno. This cultural current is almost uniformly a part of German Switzerland and not French speaking Switzerland.

Such groups argue that Schengen is "the biggest threat" to the country’s sovereignty and security since the founding of the modern state in 1848. This is the faction that pushes, for instance, to maintain the citizenship rule requiring 3 generations of Swiss birth .... i.e. your relatives have to haved lived in Switzerland back to your great grandfather if you wish to become a citizen. They fear that the outsourcing of effective border controls to Brussels will result in the end of their way of life (not to be too dramatic).

In the lead up to the June vote, a new advertising campaign has been unveiled. In the last few weeks Schengen-Non has plastered posters all over town (and presumably the rest of CH) that shows cartoon images of men and women holding their hands up in horror at the thought of Schengen membership. The image above is one of these posters. The French translates to "Security lost, jobs lost? No to Schengen!"

It is a bizzare campaign as the images are so overblown as to be comical. They seem like a through-back to a 50's advertisements for starch where a house wife recoils in horror at her husband's wrinkled shirt-tails. I don't believe for us to stifle a laugh was the intended result ... as these people are very serious about their opposition. I really do like the artwork, but the message is something more insidious.

In my mailbox the other day was a slick brochure for this movement and among other things inside was a prominent bar graph showing a exponential increase in the "ukraniens noir" in Germany since Schengen was passed there. OH THE HORROR!!! CAN YOU IMAGINE!!!! ...being surrounded by black Ukranians?! (Actually here ' noir' is colloquial for illegal ... as in black market). There is a prominent map of Europe with Switzerland in white, the rest of Europe in black, and all these big angry red arrows pointing in on all sides showing the teaming locust hordes that will descend on their idyllic mountain kingdom if Schengen passes. Also check out the great cartoon of the boot emblazoned with 'EU' stamping on William Tell's crossbow.

I understand the complex issues regarding Schengen, but the whole thing in general I find rather remarkable as I usually find Europeans to be more politically reasonable. Switzerland can be different though. As a response this kind of politics are over the top. And this kind of outright xenophobia is something that, despite all the rest of the US's political pathologies, one could not get away with in mainstream politics there. The rest of the pamaphlet is an exercise in fear mongering and as one flips through it and the associated websites ... one can make out in the air the very faint wisps of ovens and burnt flesh. It is not 'it', but it is 'of it'.

The whole thing is also remarkable, because in the end, in any real operative sense, Schengen is a non-issue. Here in Geneva, people freely commute from France everyday. I have never been stopped and asked for my passport while riding my bike in from France. The borders are already open (and mostly not checked). And so like in the US these fiercely partisan issues are really, in the end, a culture war. It is about the old and the new. And like in the US, the 'old' is scared and people looking for power use that and say "Don't worry about all this. Don't worry about the modern world and gays getting married, and women's rights to choose, and black ukranians, and outsourcing of jobs to India. We will make it all go away. We will stop all of it. Right now." It is the same here as back in the US.

SO BEWARE the BLACK UKRANIANS ARE COMING!!!

The Man with the Twisted Lip

Actually, I noticed it early on, but hadn't really thought about it until now. This part of the world must have the most sophisticated beggars and bums on the planet. I have always had a strange compulsion with this part of the lunatic fringe and I really think this area is special.

Some points of reference: A few weeks back I was standing outside of McDonalds (the same one that saved my starving self at midnight my first night in Geneva ... a story for another time) in the city center and a rather dishelved looking character approached me asking for change. He tried first in French and when I waved him off feigning incomprehension, he tried in German, then Italian, and then finally finally getting through to me in English. This guy could speak (or at least ask for change) in at least 4 languages! Is such polyglotism just a requirement for the job in an international hub like Geneva or was this a banker moonlighting in rugged economic times?

Last week, hoping I could do it cheaper than in Switzerland, I rode my bike over to Annemasse in France to mail a package to the US. Outside 'La Poste' there was an older, but equally dishelved looking fellow asking for change. I think it was slim pickings over there in Annemasse as he had only a few sad little coins in his dirty cup. But funny enough, tucked under the cup was a a floppy old dog-eared copy of Sartre's L'Etre et le Néant. Bizzare! Asking him about it in my pidgin French, he began to regale me with what was, the best I could understand, his philosophy of life on the street and how he felt it afforded him the time to think. We talked for a little while. "Vous etes tres zen", I told him (Q: Does one use the formal 'vous' form for bums and beggars?... I dunno... but probably should if we just met ... I stumbled and then decided to go for it... even if my french is getting better, i struggle with kinda stuff... lord knows I wouldn't want to OFFEND anyone) and he laughed and pounded me with filthy hands on the shoulder. I wished him well as I nervously brushed my jacket clean and mounted to ride home.

I wonder how Joe Jonah Euclid is doing?

Happy Mother's Day Mom.

Tour of Romandie

The Prologue Time Trial was in ye olde towne Geneve last Tuesday. It is pretty cool to have a ProTour race happening just a few blocks from your work... Some pictures turned out pretty well, but it I've seen better.

Discovery's Beppu - the only Japanese guy on a ProTour Team.

Pettachi spending some rare time going fast on his TT bike.

Some Gerolsteiner guy getting the 'big meat' up to speed.

Joseba Beloki (wishing for better days) on his way to setting one of the slowest times of the day. I think his handlebars fell off about 500m further on. That's why the pay the mechanics the big bucks.

An Iles Baleares rider going through the old gates of the city.

Itty bitty lil' Roberto Heras getting ready for his start.

Oscar Pereiro warming up by the Phonak bus and getting ready to open up a can of woop ass enroute to posting the fastest time of the day

Roberto Heras and the rest of the Liberty boyz getting harrased by a course marshal (actually the course marshals were all pretty cool and relaxed... not like the US. When it is the 59th Tour of Romandie, the chances of it there not being a 60th because some dopey old biddie got upset is pretty remote)

Nicholas Roche after getting one of the premium last starts of the day, because he has an ...err... famous father?

Jörg Jaksche hauling some serious speed through three to go turn.

Oscar Pereiro enroute to winning the race. Although not on the aerobars here, it was obvious he was carrying alot of speed.

Pettachi, on his way away from medical control, wanting to know if P-Nourmous "is TALKING TO" him. Also wanting to know if he wants to wake up with a horse head in his bed.